It's Fall and You Already Look Stupid...

Fall is a time to feel cozy in your clothes, but that does not mean that you should give up looking fierce.  Autumn is when the darker neutrals come out to play like blacks, browns and grays (my favorite!), but their are fashion molesters living in this world who abuse neutrals to a point where I want to run home and cry to my mommy.  I understand that there are people who really do not understand how to mix and match and that is okay, but you have to learn someday.  If I cannot help you, ask a friend who you think can really help you.  There is no excuse.  You are a grown woman/man/homo.

Let us address the horrible mistake of pairing black and brown together.  Honestly, what are you thinking? The pigments are contrasting and make you look like a damn fool.  The worst example I can think of is black leggings with chocolate Ugg Boots. *Grinding my teeth* It is just so awful! Now, I know Uggs are ugly boots, but I must say they are such heaven to wear on your feet. Really, I adore them, shamelessly. 

Black is a very severe pigment, while brown is meant to be warm and softening.  When you wear both of these, it is just like pairing polka dots with stripes.  You are mixing two different ideas and trying to look good while doing it.  You have failed.  Black and brown together is so unfortunate, ESPECIALLY when someone takes a dark brown that is almost black and then actually PAIRS it with something black. AAAHHHH! It's so ugly!  Do not ever ask yourself, or anyone for that matter, if "these chocolate boots go with my black skinny jeans" because they mother-fucking do not.  

Even though Fall colors are never as bright as Spring and Summer clothes, that does not mean that color should be erased out of said wardrobe.  The worst thing that one can do is just wear black, brown and gray together with absolutely no colors.  If you must wear all of these neutrals for some insane and disgusting reason, buy a fucking necklace or hat that has a color.  It does not have to be bright pink or metallic either.  A muted olive green or pumpkin spice color will do just fine.  There really is no reason to look shabby and sad when the weather gets colder.  Celebrate Earth tones and dark gem tones.

A written example of a great Fall outfit according to wonderful me would be this: Dark-wash skinny jeans paired with leather cognac riding boots (preferably by Frye) with an olive green (or any rich color), long-sleeved layering V-neck made from jersey cotton under a medium-gray cable-knit, button up sweater.  An optional choice would be to add a creme-colored scarf or knit hat.  It is simple, flattering and comfortable without sacrificing how damn cute you are.  

I mean, pick up a goddman fashion magazine for God's sake.  Do not force us well-dressed people to look at your lack of color mixing.  It makes you look ugly.  Oh, did I just hurt your feelings?  Well, good.  Learn from it.